Beauty

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." A common quote, but how often do we stop to consider how we view ourselves? One thing that stands out to me about living in another culture is the difference in how I define what beauty is and how the culture around me defines it. An easy thing to pin-point is how white I am. In the US, I usually joke around with my friends about how white I am, but in China it is a genuine compliment. My culture also says that you don't talk about someone's weight, but here it is simply a fact and is not rude. I wouldn't say that it has been a difficult adjustment, if anything my confidence has gone up. Yet, it did get me thinking "Do I value my beauty based on my own culture or the culture that I am currently in? How do I value myself?" Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I have defined my appearance based on what other people think. Is this really how I should be living? Have you ever bought a new shirt or something that you thought was really cute (or handsome for the guys), but then when you wore it for the first time no one complimented you on it? At least for me, when this happens, I don't like the shirt as much as I did originally. People's opinions shaped how I viewed the shirt. I suppose you can say that my attitude towards myself is the same. Thinks makes me wonder if I've ever truly felt comfortable in my own skin. embrace the flaws and acknowledge that I am unique. I believe that God created each person exactly how he intended to. He didn't make any mistakes. I'm certainly learning to see myself through a Biblical perspective instead of one that is shaped by culture or media.

Being a single woman in another culture also has it's challenges at times. Especially when the standard of beauty is different than what you are accustomed to. For example, the other day I took a cab to get home and was expecting about a 20 minute ride. Well, the driver started talking to me (in Chinese) and was asking me some basic questions such as where are you from? how old are you? etc. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary since many people ask me these questions. It wasn't until he asked me "Do you have a boyfriend?" that I started wondering where he was going. I was honest and told him "I don't have one." Ooops. Next question he asked me was "Do you like Chinese men?" I wish I could have seen the expression on my own face at that particular moment. Since I'm not the best at navigating these situations, I dug myself further into a hole and told him "yes." *facepalm* I really do not know what I was thinking. At this point, my comprehension of everything he was saying went down, but I was able to pick up words like "you" "me" "eat" and "dinner." And finally I got the sense to pretend like I understood absolutely nothing. I had already told him I was an English teacher and so he asked me how much my lessons were. I gotta give the guy one thing, he is determined. I simply told him I teach kids. Luckily, he couldn't respond because we finally reached my apartment complex. Sometimes you just gotta laugh at the situation. Nonetheless, I was grateful to be back at home after that.

I don't know exactly what the future holds, but for now I am enjoying the journey and learning to depend on God more and more each day.